Monday, December 22, 2014

Why We Fail at Relationships

We all have read or heard countless reasons to why relationships fail, and while some of the reasons are valid, such as lack of trust, or our lives become routine and we stop caring as much. 

The Truth of the matter is 
 Relationships don't fail; we do. 

We live in the age of technology; where social media, text messages and Internet porn are consuming almost every free second we have.  
We constantly compare one another to other men, to other women, and then we start comparing ourselves to people. We compare each other to TV stars, to models, to porn stars, etc. Then we start to wonder why we never measure up and we fill ourselves with self-doubt, and we forget how to love ourselves. 
If we cant love ourselves how can we expect anyone else to love us, or for  that matter for ourselves to love anyone. 
The answer: We cannot.

The problem stems from many things; but mostly from Internet and cellphone apps. Take for example Snapchat, where the illusion of the idea that photos will be instantly deleted once seen, unless the receiver is smart enough to know how to use screenshot.  How about Instagram, where we post half nude selfies in order to get likes, where we post photos of our lives in order to see how many people like the way we live, or Hot or not where we set ourselves up to be rated by our peers, and then we wonder why people have eating disorders or body image issues. We constantly look for approval everywhere, except where it matter the most. The approval to live our lives how we want without caring what others think.

 Lastly but not least of all in the list of things that tearing us from what a true relationship is the unlimited dating sites at our fingertips, in which we can flip through thousands of people, find one we think is attractive and in a sense order them up to our door like you would order pizza. If you didn't like that particular slice you have the option of sending it back and looking for a new slice to order up. Sometimes you might even order up more than one person to your door at a time. We start treating each other like we are options on an endless buffet, we constantly claim that if our relationship fails, that its not a big deal because there are more fish in the sea. Yet we are never ever truly satisfied. 
Yet we still wonder why people are afraid to commit. 

We parade our relationship around on social media, portraying that we have a perfect one. Where its all love and not a single fight. We post our couple photos up on facebook and Instagram to get the satisfaction that others see how perfect our truly imperfect relationship is. Other couple compare themselves to these photos and question why they don't have photos like that with their partner. We constantly try to one up each other in our relationships by posting every outing and every single event to our timelines. Constantly we look to the approval of others in our everyday lives, never satisfied just living life for ourselves.   

We walk down the street with our significant other and know that every woman that passes by gets the sideway glances from our man, and that we as women are just as guilty of looking at men. Society tells us that its okay to look as long as we don't touch, its okay to lust after someone when you are already in a relationship, and that above all its okay to cheat as long as you don't get caught. We live in a society that openly accepts and promotes infidelity. With T.V. shows like Mistresses, Satisfaction, The Affair and Married that showing us just how easily we could get away with it.

We get lost in our phones, whether it be games, Facebook, tumblr or any other site for that matter. We use text messaging as a means to communicate our thoughts and feelings, but words no matter how well written, it can not convey the context in your voice or the true emotion behind your emojis. We consider "Good morning" or "Good night" texts to be a good effort in our relationships. 

Is there any reason to wonder why thing don't work out? 

Romance has been so watered down that we what we think is romantic is in fact not. 
We think Romance is doing something new or spontaneous for our partner, like wearing lingerie to entice the man we are seeing or spending absurd amounts of money on jewelry to buy that persons love. 
Romance is more than that, its not manufactured in a store, you can not buy it, it is completely individual. What one person thinks is romantic may not be for someone else, but I can tell you what I think is romantic at least for the majority of people. Romance; it comes from holding hands while going on a long walk, sitting at the beach while watching the sunset or rise. Its having dinner alone where cellphones are turned off, and for once all your attention is given to the person sitting directly in front of you and not to the glowing blue light of your phone. It the conversations about nothing in particular, its the enjoyment of the company before you, it is an always will be more than chocolate cover fruit and roses, its about quality time spent together. 

Relationships, like many things take time to grow and mature, most people jump in head first without building a solid foundation to land on. We rush in with our hearts full of lust, but when the initial feelings start to fade we snap back to reality, we start to second guess our choices, and that is when doubt set in. 

So maybe just maybe you are the reason things are not working out for you the way you would like. 
Lets try an experiment, regardless if you are in a relationship now, or looking for someone, when you are with that person, give them your attention. If you just went on a date with someone you met online, delete the dating app if it went well. If you're on a date set everything else aside as if it doesn't matter and talk to the person. Ask them about their day, their goals, and their dreams. 

Stop comparing them to other people, stop comparing yourself. 
Stop acting like people are options, because eventually they will choose to leave you. 
Stop acting like social media is more important than the rough day your partner had.
Nothing and I mean nothing is more important that what is happening right before your eyes. 
Stop having unrealistic expectations about your partner, they are not perfect and neither are you.  

XOXO- That Girl Rika

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